In My Life
Minsan
.bmp)
D Days (Part 01)
.bmp)
D Days (Part 02)
.bmp)
The Reggae Party
.bmp)
Dekada Balerkada
.bmp)
Dekada Balerkada Flag
More videos to come. Please send photos to
ciao! enjoy!
YouTube Link: http://www.youtube.com/user/GAL220HimNotMe
Miyerkules, Mayo 28, 2008
Miyerkules, Mayo 21, 2008
Are You Really Filipino: 115 Ways To Find Out
Confused about your ethnic identity; Want to know just how Filipino you are? Take this less-than-scientific quiz to rate your Filipino-ness. You might just be surprised at the results!
Scoring: Give yourself 3 points if you can relate to the following characteristics yourself, 2 points if it relates to an immediate family member (mom or dad) and 1 point if you know of someone who has the characteristic.
(NOTE: This quiz was taken from "The Philippine Review," August 1995 edition.)
MANNERISMS & PERSONALITY TRAITS:
• You point with your lips.
• You eat using your hands and have it down to a technique!
• Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
• You nod your head upwards to greet someone.
• You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow on your knee while eating.
• You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.
• You have to kiss your relatives on the cheek as soon as you enter the room.
• You're standing next to eight big boxes at the airport.
• You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir's sake."
• Your house has a distinctive aroma.
• You smile for no reason.
• You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.
• You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
• You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
• You scratch your head when you don't know the answer.
• You never eat the last morsel of food on the table.
• You go bowling
• You play pusoy & mah jong
• You find dried up morsels of rice stuck to your shirt.
• You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun.
• You add an unwarranted "H" to your name (i.e., "Jhun," "Bhoy," or "Rhon.")
• You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
• Your middle name is your mother's maiden name.
• You like everything that's imported or "state-side."
• You check the labels on clothes to see where it was made.
• You hang your clothes out to dry.
• You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees.
• You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all events.
• You always offer food to all your visitors.
VOCABULARY:
• You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."
• You say "for take out" instead of "to go."
• You "open" or "close" the lights.
• You ask for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
• You ask for a "pentel pen" or a "ball pen" instead of just a pen.
• You refer to the refrigerator as the "ref" or "pridyider."
• You say kodakan instead of "take a picture."
• You order a "McDonald's" instead of a "hamburger" (pronounced ham-boor-jer).
• You say "Ha?" instead of "What?"
• You say "Hoy!" to get someone's attention.
• You answer when someone yells "Hoy!"
• You turn around when someone says "Psst!"
• You say "Cutex" instead of "nail polish."
• You say "for a while" instead of "please hold" on the telephone.
• You say "he" when you mean "she" and vice versa.
• You say "aray!" instead of "ouch!"
• Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo."
• You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for overacting, "DOM" for dirty old man and "TNT" for, well, you know.
• You say "air con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
• You pronounce the following words:"hippopo-TA-mus," "com-FOR-table," "bro-CO-li," and "Mongo-mery Ward."
• You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."
• You say "Uy!" instead of "Oops."
HOME FURNISHINGS:
• You use a walis tambo and a walis ting-ting as opposed to a conventional broom.
• You have a "Weapons of Moroland" shield hanging in your living room wall.
• You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room wall.
• You own a karaoke system.
• You own a piano no one ever plays.
• You have a tabo in the bathroom.
• Your house is cluttered with burloloys.
• You have two or three pairs of tsinelas at your doorstep.
• Your house has ornate wrought iron gates in front of it.
• You have a rose garden.
• You display a laughing Buddha for good luck.
• You have a shrine to the Santo Nino in your living room.
• You own a "Barrel Man" (shwing!)
• You have a parol hanging outside your house during the holidays.
• You cover your living room furniture with bedsheets.
• Your lampshades still have the plastic covers on them.
• You have plastic runners to cover the carpets in your house.
• You refer to your VCR as the "Beyta-Max."
• You have a rice dispenser.
• You own a turbo broiler.
• You own one of those fiber-optic flower lamps.
• You own a lamp with the oil that drips down the strings.
• You have a giant wooden fork & spoon hanging in the dining room.
• You have wooden tinikling dancers on the wall.
• You own capiz shell chandeliers, lamps or placemats.
AUTOMOBILES:
• You own a Mercedes Benz and call it "chedeng."
• You own a huge van conversion.
• Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it's in reverse.
• Your car horn can make three or more different sounds.
• Your car has curb feelers on it.
• You hang a rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
• You have those air fresheners in a bottle.
FAMILY:
• You have aunts and uncles named "Baby," "Girlie," or "Boy."
• You were raised to believe that every Filipino is an aunt, uncle or cousin.
• Your dad was in the navy.
• Your mom or sister is a nurse.
• You get smelling kisses from your grandma.
• Your parents call each other "mommy" and "daddy."
• You have a family member that has a nickname that repeats itself (i.e., "Deng-Deng," "Ling-Ling," "Jong-Jong" or "Bing-Bing.")
• You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.
• You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to french fries.
• You think that eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a great morning meal.
• You order things like tapsilog, longsilog, or tocilog at restaurants.
• You instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal.
• You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."
• You dip bread in your morning coffee.
• You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as "Ajinomoto."
• Your cupboards are full of corned beef hash, Spam and Vienna Sausages.
• "Goldilocks" means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.
• You appreciate a fresh pot of hot rice.
• You bring baon to work every day.
• Your baon is usually something over rice.
• Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on Sunday mornings.
• You eat rice for breakfast.
• You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.
• You wash and re-use plastic utensils and Styrofoam cups.
• You have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer.
• You have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.
• Your cloth tablecloths have tell-tale "toyo circles" on them.
• You eat purple yam-flavored ice cream.
• You gotta have a bottle of Jufran handy.
• You fry Spam and hot dogs and eat them with rice.
• You think half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy.
• You know that "chocolate meat" isn't really made with chocolate.
Scoring: Give yourself 3 points if you can relate to the following characteristics yourself, 2 points if it relates to an immediate family member (mom or dad) and 1 point if you know of someone who has the characteristic.
(NOTE: This quiz was taken from "The Philippine Review," August 1995 edition.)
MANNERISMS & PERSONALITY TRAITS:
• You point with your lips.
• You eat using your hands and have it down to a technique!
• Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
• You nod your head upwards to greet someone.
• You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow on your knee while eating.
• You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.
• You have to kiss your relatives on the cheek as soon as you enter the room.
• You're standing next to eight big boxes at the airport.
• You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir's sake."
• Your house has a distinctive aroma.
• You smile for no reason.
• You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.
• You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
• You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
• You scratch your head when you don't know the answer.
• You never eat the last morsel of food on the table.
• You go bowling
• You play pusoy & mah jong
• You find dried up morsels of rice stuck to your shirt.
• You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun.
• You add an unwarranted "H" to your name (i.e., "Jhun," "Bhoy," or "Rhon.")
• You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
• Your middle name is your mother's maiden name.
• You like everything that's imported or "state-side."
• You check the labels on clothes to see where it was made.
• You hang your clothes out to dry.
• You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees.
• You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all events.
• You always offer food to all your visitors.
VOCABULARY:
• You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."
• You say "for take out" instead of "to go."
• You "open" or "close" the lights.
• You ask for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
• You ask for a "pentel pen" or a "ball pen" instead of just a pen.
• You refer to the refrigerator as the "ref" or "pridyider."
• You say kodakan instead of "take a picture."
• You order a "McDonald's" instead of a "hamburger" (pronounced ham-boor-jer).
• You say "Ha?" instead of "What?"
• You say "Hoy!" to get someone's attention.
• You answer when someone yells "Hoy!"
• You turn around when someone says "Psst!"
• You say "Cutex" instead of "nail polish."
• You say "for a while" instead of "please hold" on the telephone.
• You say "he" when you mean "she" and vice versa.
• You say "aray!" instead of "ouch!"
• Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo."
• You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for overacting, "DOM" for dirty old man and "TNT" for, well, you know.
• You say "air con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
• You pronounce the following words:"hippopo-TA-mus," "com-FOR-table," "bro-CO-li," and "Mongo-mery Ward."
• You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."
• You say "Uy!" instead of "Oops."
HOME FURNISHINGS:
• You use a walis tambo and a walis ting-ting as opposed to a conventional broom.
• You have a "Weapons of Moroland" shield hanging in your living room wall.
• You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room wall.
• You own a karaoke system.
• You own a piano no one ever plays.
• You have a tabo in the bathroom.
• Your house is cluttered with burloloys.
• You have two or three pairs of tsinelas at your doorstep.
• Your house has ornate wrought iron gates in front of it.
• You have a rose garden.
• You display a laughing Buddha for good luck.
• You have a shrine to the Santo Nino in your living room.
• You own a "Barrel Man" (shwing!)
• You have a parol hanging outside your house during the holidays.
• You cover your living room furniture with bedsheets.
• Your lampshades still have the plastic covers on them.
• You have plastic runners to cover the carpets in your house.
• You refer to your VCR as the "Beyta-Max."
• You have a rice dispenser.
• You own a turbo broiler.
• You own one of those fiber-optic flower lamps.
• You own a lamp with the oil that drips down the strings.
• You have a giant wooden fork & spoon hanging in the dining room.
• You have wooden tinikling dancers on the wall.
• You own capiz shell chandeliers, lamps or placemats.
AUTOMOBILES:
• You own a Mercedes Benz and call it "chedeng."
• You own a huge van conversion.
• Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it's in reverse.
• Your car horn can make three or more different sounds.
• Your car has curb feelers on it.
• You hang a rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
• You have those air fresheners in a bottle.
FAMILY:
• You have aunts and uncles named "Baby," "Girlie," or "Boy."
• You were raised to believe that every Filipino is an aunt, uncle or cousin.
• Your dad was in the navy.
• Your mom or sister is a nurse.
• You get smelling kisses from your grandma.
• Your parents call each other "mommy" and "daddy."
• You have a family member that has a nickname that repeats itself (i.e., "Deng-Deng," "Ling-Ling," "Jong-Jong" or "Bing-Bing.")
• You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.
• You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to french fries.
• You think that eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a great morning meal.
• You order things like tapsilog, longsilog, or tocilog at restaurants.
• You instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal.
• You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."
• You dip bread in your morning coffee.
• You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as "Ajinomoto."
• Your cupboards are full of corned beef hash, Spam and Vienna Sausages.
• "Goldilocks" means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.
• You appreciate a fresh pot of hot rice.
• You bring baon to work every day.
• Your baon is usually something over rice.
• Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on Sunday mornings.
• You eat rice for breakfast.
• You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.
• You wash and re-use plastic utensils and Styrofoam cups.
• You have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer.
• You have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.
• Your cloth tablecloths have tell-tale "toyo circles" on them.
• You eat purple yam-flavored ice cream.
• You gotta have a bottle of Jufran handy.
• You fry Spam and hot dogs and eat them with rice.
• You think half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy.
• You know that "chocolate meat" isn't really made with chocolate.
Lunes, Mayo 19, 2008
dyok taym!
‘dear te, dear te, dear te!!!’
-sigaw ni Anabel Rama kay Lorin at Veniz (mga anak ni Rofa) habang naglalaro ng tubig sa kanal.
=========
NARS: doc, bat tinanggihan nyo yung pasyente?
DR: alin, yung bakla?
NARS: opo. Baka sabihin namimili tayo, porket bading siya.
DR: ano naman raraspahin ko sa kanya?
=========
Inspiring quote of the day:
“hindi ako tamad. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan ko ibubuhos kasipagan ko.”
=========
BOY: I know we are also matter we can’t occupy the same space at the same time. Kaya aalis na lang ako.
GIRL: bakit ganun para tayong mga parallel lines, why can’t we meet at the same point?
BOY: your verbs and actions are not correct that’s why all of the subjects are affected.
GIRL: ayoko na. you’ve reached my boiling point. And now my heart is getting to its freezing point!
=========
MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?
MR: uhm.. both..
MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and ugly?
MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you’re pretty ugly.
=========
JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: . (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?
PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.
BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili mo niyan?
PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso macchiato sa starbucks!
=========
TRIVIA: do you know how they make rubber gloves in China ?
Workers deep their hands into melted latex, then air-dry them.
Now guess how they make condoms?
==========
in a miss gay pageant:
HOST: how can we uplift our economy today even though we are under economic crisis?
BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!
===========
Sexy girl nagkukumpisal:
PARI: iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
SEXY: father, pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalaking nagmumura di ko mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya magsex!
PARI: ‘tang ina! Di nga?
===========
when your lips are silent and your eyes are closed and your ears are deaf.
It only means one thing. May discount ka sa jeep. Disabled ka ‘tol, disabled!
===========
The Philippine presidents flying in a plane.
GMA: what if I throw a check for a million pesos out the window to make at least 1 Filipino happy?
CORY: but my dear, why don’t you throw 2 checks for half a million each and thus make 2 Filipinos happy?
RAMOS: why not throw four checks for a quarter of a million each and make four Filipinos happy?
And on it went until finally, Erap blurts out:
“but madam president, why not simply throw yourself out of the window and make all the Filipinos happy?”
============
a great example of globalization: princess Diana, a Welsh princess with an Egyptian fiancé, crashed in a French tunnel while riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, chased by Italian paparazzis on Japanese big bikes. An American doctor tried to save them using Brazilian meds. This message was made by a Filipino on a Finnish Nokia phone smuggled from China by a Pakistani based in Quiapo.
============
1. Trulalu.
2. eklavu
3. eklavu.
4. trulalu
5. eklavu
6. trulalu
7. trulalu.
8. eklavu
9. trulalu
10. trulalu
-batang bading nagsasagot ng true or false na quiz.
============ =
MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Paano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!
============ =
kung nag GAY LANGUAGE sana sila GMA at GARCI eh di walang SCAM!
GMA: hallow gracia!
GARCI: uy mother ever! Na chenilyn de kimberlyn ko na po yung mga chuva eke k.
GMA: bonggacious! Eh yung mga chenes chenes, carry na ba?
GARCI: flatshoes! Winnie santos mama, wiz na wori eclavou na ever! Na chorva na!
GMA: ang tarushki! Maldita ka talaga vruha ka! Eh di windra na naman watashi?!
GARCI: anufi ate.
GMA: oshah ba.
============
Divorced father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong cheke at sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.
Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last support na niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw expression ng face mo.
Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!
============
BOY: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common denominator daw.
DAD: ha? aba’y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah! Aba’y di pa ba nila nakikita?
============
eto ang banat na malupet.
GUY: miss, pinaglihi ka ba sa inidoro?
GIRL: bakit?
GUY: kasi ako pinaglihi sa tae. Nung nakita kita, di ko mapigilang mahulog!
============
pen pen de chorvaloo de kemerloo de eklavoo, hao hao de chenelyn de big uten. Sifit dapat iipit, goldness filak chumuchorva sa tabi ng chenes!
Shoyang ang fula, talong na fula, shoyang ang fute, talong na mafute, chuk chak chenes namo ek ek.
-yan na naman ang mga batang bading! Ayaw paawat!
============
BOY1: nkakakawa naman lola mo.
BOY2: bakit?
BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.
Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.
BOY2: papansin lang yun!
BOY1: bakit?
BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!
============
a boss confused about his Math asked his secretary:
If I give you P3M less 17%, how much would you take off?
SECRETARY: everything sir! Dress, bra, panty!
============
STUDENT: ma’am, pagagalitan niyo po ba ako sa bagay na hindi ko naman ginawa?
TEACHER: natural hindi.
STUDENT: good, di ko po ginawa assignment ko!
============
why was white chocolate invented? So little black kids could have dirty faces too!
============
isang araw sa may tindahan.
PULUBI: palimos po.
TINDERO: wala po, patawad.
PULUBI: sige na po, kahit magkano.
TINDERO: sya sige! Eto, dos.
PULUBI: salamat po ng marami. Isang Malboro nga po, yung menthol.
============
sa kasalan
PARI: sana ang donation mo ay katumbas ng ganda ng pakakasalan mo.
GROOM: eto P5, father.
Tinignan ng pari ang bride.
PARI: eto P4 sukli mo iho.
============
sabi nung friend ko, nakakalaki daw ng tiyan ang beer. Kasi noon minsan nalasing siya, nabuntis siya!
============
NOEL: ipapangalan ko sa aking anak ” LEON ” baliktad ng Noel.
NINO: sa akin ONIN baliktad ng NINO.
TOTO: wag niyo akong maisali-sali dyan sa usapan niyo!
============ =
Sinoli ni Erap ang libro sa library.
ERAP: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya.
LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin!
============ =
JAIME ZOBEL DE AYALA: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Spanish.
HENRY SY: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Chinese.
LITO ATIENZA: 1/2 Hawaiian, 1/2 Polo.
MIKE ARROYO: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 pork.
JOHN OSMENA: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Pinay.
PROSPERO PICHAY: 1/2 Unggoy, 1/2 gulay.
GMA: 1/2 … only.
============ ==
sa sabungan, walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong. Si Juan para makalibre pumasok may dalang inahin.
BANTAY: [sinita si Juan] ano yan?
JUAN: [galit pa!] manok!
BANTAY: alam ko, eh bakit inahin?
JUAN: may laban ang mister niya, siyempre moral support bobo!
============ ==
GF: magaling! At sino tong baby na nagtext sayo?
BF: ah eh kumpare ko yun! Lalake yun! Baby lang palayaw.
GF: oh eto replyan mo. Hindi daw kayo tuloy at may mens daw ang tarantado!
============ ==
nagbubungkal ng lupa si Erap para magtanim. Akala ng nakakita niloloko lang siya dahil wala naman siyang tinatanim.
BANTAY: sir, wala naman kayong tinatanim ah.
ERAP: bobo! Seedless to!
============ ==
ANAK: nay, ano po ba yung 10 commandments?
NANAY: yun yung sampung utos ng Diyos.
ANAK: mas makapangyarihan pa po pala kayo sa Diyos eh!
NANAY: bakit?
ANAK: ang dami niyong utos eh!
============ ==
thought to ponder:
hindi kaya ang dahilan ng pagbaha sa panahon ni Noah ay pinutol niya lahat ng puno para gumawa ng napaka laking arko? ano sa tingi mo?
============ ==
HISTORY 101:
JUDAS: anong gimik yang hinuhugasan ni Magda ang paa ni Bossing?
PETER: wag kang makialam, darating ang araw at tatawagin yang FOOT SPA.
============ ==
PEDRO: niloko ko yung tindera kanina.
JUAN: paano mo naman niloko yung tindera?
PEDRO: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong celfon.
============ ==
may nakakita sakin sa dalampasigan. malungkot at nagiisa. sabi niya, ‘kung mahal mo siya, bakit di mo ipadama?’ sumagot ako, ‘mahal ka diyan?!!!
naiwan ako sa outing tanga.’
============ ===
kung totoo ang ‘ Darwin ’s theory of evolution’ na ang tao ay nagmula sa unggoy, bakit may mga taong mukhang kabayo?
============ ===
DORAY: mare, kulang pa kami ng isang miyembro. baka gusto mong sumali sa paluwagan.
PINANG : hindi pa ako pwede, mare.
DORAY: bakit mare?
PINAY: virgin pa kasi ako.
============ ====
ERAP SA PIZZA HUT
WAITER: sir, do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 slices or 8 slices?
ERAP: into four na lang, masyadong marami yung eight. di ko mauubos.
============ ====
SALESGIRL: sir, you can’t smoke here.
CUSTOMER: but I bought these cigars from your store.
SALESGIRL: we also sell condoms, but it doesn’t mean you can f*ck here.
============ ====
summer job opportunities:
package 1:
-P5,000/hour
-enchanted kingdom
-tagatulak ng anchor’s away.
package 2:
-P7,000/day
-palengke
-tagalista ng noisy.
package 3:
-P800/minute
-star city
-tagahila ng roller coaster.
package 4:
-P900/minute.
-for females only.
- alaska milk.
-substitute sa baka.
oh pili na. mahirap maghanap ng trabaho.
============ ===
AMO: inday, kunin mo nga yung VOGUE magazine!
INDAY: mam, vogyu hindi vog.
AMO: inday, vog ang tamang pagbigkas.
INDAY: o sige na nga mam VOG na, there’s no need to ARG.
============ ===
pano sasabihin sa isang girl na maitim ang kili-kili niya without hurting his feelings?
“ganda ng deodorant mo ha, kiwi?”
============ ===
what’s worse than finding a worm in the apple you are eating? pag nakita mong kalahati na lang ang worm.
============ ===
Si Erap nakabasag ng vase sa Museum, yung attendant nataranta.
ATTENDANT: naku sir, more than 500 years old na po yang vase.
ERAP: hay salamat. Akala ko bago!
============ ===
ang tawag sa gumagawa ng tubo, tubero. Ang tawag sa kumukuha ng basura, basurero. Ang tawag sa mahilig sa gimik, gimikero. Sa maraming babae, babaero. Ang tawag sa nakaupo sa kanto.?
Tambay pare, tambay!
Sa Math Class…
Teacher: Banong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karne at hinati ko ito, ilang piraso na?
Banong: 2 po mam!
Teacher: At kung hinati ko pa pareho?
Banong: 4 na piraso po!
Teacher: Hinati ko ulit.
Banong: 8 piraso po.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa.
Banong: 16 po mam.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa?
Banong: 32 piraso na po!
Teacher: Kung hinati ko ulit?
Banong: 64 po! (nakangiti)
Teacher: At hinati ko pa? 2 beses ko pang hinati?
Banong: Ay susmaryosep mam! GINILING napo! GINILING!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
SA BAKERY.
Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale: Aba, sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!
Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
BOY: Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat ng ginagawa ko puro mali!
Lagi nalang ako mali!!! Di ‘nyo na ako mahal!
AMA: Nagkakamali ka anak.
BOY: Shet! Mali na naman ako!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!
Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin mlakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino b talaga ang anak mo, ako o ung baboy? Umayos ka nay! Wag ganun!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
Magsyota naglalakad sa park:
GF: Hon, ihi muna ako
BF: Dyan ka nalang sa damuhan…
Habang umiihi, kinapkap ni BF ang legs ni GF nang may mahawakan syang mahaba sa gitna nito…
BF: Anak ng?! Bading ka ba o nagpalit na ng kasarian??
GF: Sira! Nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon. Tumatae na ako.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
BF : May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman…
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi… PANGHILOD! SMILE!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
(Sa loob ng Mall)
GUY: LOVE, yan ang dati kong girlfriend.
Jowa: Ang pangit pangit naman!
GUY: Wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since…
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
LOVE CODE
Sa panliligaw ni Erap, mahilig siyang sumulat ng coded love
messages tulad ng:
ITALY - I truly adore and love you
SASAYA - Stay as Sweet as you are
Para lalong bumilib and kanyang nililigawan , sinikap niyang
gumawa ng "love letter" na gamit and alphabet:
ABC - Always be careful
DEF - Don't Ever forget
GHI - Go Home Immediately
JKLM - Just Keep Loving Me
NOPQRSTUVW - No One Perfectly Quite Romantic Should
Treat U Very Well
Napa-whew at pinagpawisan si Erap. Tatlong titik na lang and
natitira...XYZ.
Pinag-isipan ito nang husto ni Erap. Makalipas ang oras,
napangiti siya at pinalakpakan ang kanyang sarili bago
sinulat ang:
XYZ - Xee You Zoon!!
=============================================================
CEASEFIRE
ERAP to MILF : Sumuko na kayo!
MILF: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.
ERAP : Tang na! Tuloy ang giyera.
=============================================================
ANONG GATAS?
"Ang gatas ko noong baby ako, Lactum," kuwento ni Marcos sa ibang
presidente.
"Ah ako, Enfalac, 'yun ang mahal, eh," sagot ni Cory.
"Ako, Lactogen, kaya ganito ako katalino," sabi ni Ramos.
"Ikaw, Erap, ano ang iniinom mo noon?" tanong ng tatlo.
"Ano yata Lactacyd."
==================================================================
10 craziest things na ginagawa pag nalalasing
1. cries without reason
2. nagbibigay ng advice sa kapwa lasing
3. sings ng pasintunado
4. cols with text ang ex para makapagusap ng walang sense
5. naiinlove na lang ng bigla
6. ginagawang unan ang toilet bowl
7. nagiging galante
8. ikukuwento ang buhay ng buong angkan
9. nagiging english speaking kahit wrong grammar
10. panay ang sabi ng "hindi na ako iinum!!!" habang nagsusuka
pero siyempre salitang lasing lang yun coz after the hangover
sarap magcheers for the good times...
==============================================================
Anak: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANK TRAK..
Tatay: anong dantrak??
Anak: yung pong trak na sampu ang gulong na karga buhangin…
Tatay: hindi dantrak yan… “TEN MILLER!!”
==============================================================
Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy"**
Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"**
Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress"**
Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"**
Kung mayaman ka, "pneumonia" daw ang sakit mo**
Kung mahirap, "TB" yon**
Sa mayaman, "hyperacidity"**
Kapag mahirap, "ulcer" dahil walang laman ang tiyan**
Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac"**
Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"**
Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric"**
Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"**
Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine"**
Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"**
Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic"**
Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"**
Kung ang señorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "sun tanned"**
Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga"*
*
Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay "petite"**
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot"**
Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"**
Kapag mahirap ka, ika'y "tabatsoy" o "lumba-lumba"...pagminamalas ka,
"baboy"**
Kapag mayaman, "fasting" ang hindi kumain**
Kung mahirap, "nagtitiis"**
Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay
"socialite"**
Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "pakawala" o "pok-pok"**
Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated"**
Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo "malandi"**
Kapag mayaman, "misguided" o "spoiled" ka**
Kung mahirap ka, "addict" o "durugista"**
Kung may pera ka, ang tawag sa iyo "single parent"**
Pero kung wala kang trabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada"*
*
Kapag mayaman at sexy, "fashionable" daw**
Kung mahirap, sigurado "GRO" o "japayuki" ka**
Ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain, "vegetarian"**
Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na " kumakain ng damo."**
Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro**
Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa
kanila ay "bastos!"**
Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood"*
*
Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang"**
Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner"**
Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gung-gong"**
Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says,
"masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking"**
Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host
will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom"**
Kung graduate ka ng exclusive school at sa ibang bansa ka nagtatrabaho, ang
tawag sa iyo "expat"**
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "contract worker"**
Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa office mo, "okay lang"
Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay" nagbubulakbol"...
kaya forward mo na agad ito dahil nasa likod mo ang boss mo!*
==========================================================================
-sigaw ni Anabel Rama kay Lorin at Veniz (mga anak ni Rofa) habang naglalaro ng tubig sa kanal.
=========
NARS: doc, bat tinanggihan nyo yung pasyente?
DR: alin, yung bakla?
NARS: opo. Baka sabihin namimili tayo, porket bading siya.
DR: ano naman raraspahin ko sa kanya?
=========
Inspiring quote of the day:
“hindi ako tamad. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan ko ibubuhos kasipagan ko.”
=========
BOY: I know we are also matter we can’t occupy the same space at the same time. Kaya aalis na lang ako.
GIRL: bakit ganun para tayong mga parallel lines, why can’t we meet at the same point?
BOY: your verbs and actions are not correct that’s why all of the subjects are affected.
GIRL: ayoko na. you’ve reached my boiling point. And now my heart is getting to its freezing point!
=========
MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?
MR: uhm.. both..
MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and ugly?
MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you’re pretty ugly.
=========
JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: . (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?
PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.
BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili mo niyan?
PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso macchiato sa starbucks!
=========
TRIVIA: do you know how they make rubber gloves in China ?
Workers deep their hands into melted latex, then air-dry them.
Now guess how they make condoms?
==========
in a miss gay pageant:
HOST: how can we uplift our economy today even though we are under economic crisis?
BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!
===========
Sexy girl nagkukumpisal:
PARI: iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
SEXY: father, pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalaking nagmumura di ko mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya magsex!
PARI: ‘tang ina! Di nga?
===========
when your lips are silent and your eyes are closed and your ears are deaf.
It only means one thing. May discount ka sa jeep. Disabled ka ‘tol, disabled!
===========
The Philippine presidents flying in a plane.
GMA: what if I throw a check for a million pesos out the window to make at least 1 Filipino happy?
CORY: but my dear, why don’t you throw 2 checks for half a million each and thus make 2 Filipinos happy?
RAMOS: why not throw four checks for a quarter of a million each and make four Filipinos happy?
And on it went until finally, Erap blurts out:
“but madam president, why not simply throw yourself out of the window and make all the Filipinos happy?”
============
a great example of globalization: princess Diana, a Welsh princess with an Egyptian fiancé, crashed in a French tunnel while riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, chased by Italian paparazzis on Japanese big bikes. An American doctor tried to save them using Brazilian meds. This message was made by a Filipino on a Finnish Nokia phone smuggled from China by a Pakistani based in Quiapo.
============
1. Trulalu.
2. eklavu
3. eklavu.
4. trulalu
5. eklavu
6. trulalu
7. trulalu.
8. eklavu
9. trulalu
10. trulalu
-batang bading nagsasagot ng true or false na quiz.
============ =
MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Paano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!
============ =
kung nag GAY LANGUAGE sana sila GMA at GARCI eh di walang SCAM!
GMA: hallow gracia!
GARCI: uy mother ever! Na chenilyn de kimberlyn ko na po yung mga chuva eke k.
GMA: bonggacious! Eh yung mga chenes chenes, carry na ba?
GARCI: flatshoes! Winnie santos mama, wiz na wori eclavou na ever! Na chorva na!
GMA: ang tarushki! Maldita ka talaga vruha ka! Eh di windra na naman watashi?!
GARCI: anufi ate.
GMA: oshah ba.
============
Divorced father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong cheke at sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.
Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last support na niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw expression ng face mo.
Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!
============
BOY: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common denominator daw.
DAD: ha? aba’y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah! Aba’y di pa ba nila nakikita?
============
eto ang banat na malupet.
GUY: miss, pinaglihi ka ba sa inidoro?
GIRL: bakit?
GUY: kasi ako pinaglihi sa tae. Nung nakita kita, di ko mapigilang mahulog!
============
pen pen de chorvaloo de kemerloo de eklavoo, hao hao de chenelyn de big uten. Sifit dapat iipit, goldness filak chumuchorva sa tabi ng chenes!
Shoyang ang fula, talong na fula, shoyang ang fute, talong na mafute, chuk chak chenes namo ek ek.
-yan na naman ang mga batang bading! Ayaw paawat!
============
BOY1: nkakakawa naman lola mo.
BOY2: bakit?
BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.
Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.
BOY2: papansin lang yun!
BOY1: bakit?
BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!
============
a boss confused about his Math asked his secretary:
If I give you P3M less 17%, how much would you take off?
SECRETARY: everything sir! Dress, bra, panty!
============
STUDENT: ma’am, pagagalitan niyo po ba ako sa bagay na hindi ko naman ginawa?
TEACHER: natural hindi.
STUDENT: good, di ko po ginawa assignment ko!
============
why was white chocolate invented? So little black kids could have dirty faces too!
============
isang araw sa may tindahan.
PULUBI: palimos po.
TINDERO: wala po, patawad.
PULUBI: sige na po, kahit magkano.
TINDERO: sya sige! Eto, dos.
PULUBI: salamat po ng marami. Isang Malboro nga po, yung menthol.
============
sa kasalan
PARI: sana ang donation mo ay katumbas ng ganda ng pakakasalan mo.
GROOM: eto P5, father.
Tinignan ng pari ang bride.
PARI: eto P4 sukli mo iho.
============
sabi nung friend ko, nakakalaki daw ng tiyan ang beer. Kasi noon minsan nalasing siya, nabuntis siya!
============
NOEL: ipapangalan ko sa aking anak ” LEON ” baliktad ng Noel.
NINO: sa akin ONIN baliktad ng NINO.
TOTO: wag niyo akong maisali-sali dyan sa usapan niyo!
============ =
Sinoli ni Erap ang libro sa library.
ERAP: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya.
LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin!
============ =
JAIME ZOBEL DE AYALA: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Spanish.
HENRY SY: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Chinese.
LITO ATIENZA: 1/2 Hawaiian, 1/2 Polo.
MIKE ARROYO: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 pork.
JOHN OSMENA: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Pinay.
PROSPERO PICHAY: 1/2 Unggoy, 1/2 gulay.
GMA: 1/2 … only.
============ ==
sa sabungan, walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong. Si Juan para makalibre pumasok may dalang inahin.
BANTAY: [sinita si Juan] ano yan?
JUAN: [galit pa!] manok!
BANTAY: alam ko, eh bakit inahin?
JUAN: may laban ang mister niya, siyempre moral support bobo!
============ ==
GF: magaling! At sino tong baby na nagtext sayo?
BF: ah eh kumpare ko yun! Lalake yun! Baby lang palayaw.
GF: oh eto replyan mo. Hindi daw kayo tuloy at may mens daw ang tarantado!
============ ==
nagbubungkal ng lupa si Erap para magtanim. Akala ng nakakita niloloko lang siya dahil wala naman siyang tinatanim.
BANTAY: sir, wala naman kayong tinatanim ah.
ERAP: bobo! Seedless to!
============ ==
ANAK: nay, ano po ba yung 10 commandments?
NANAY: yun yung sampung utos ng Diyos.
ANAK: mas makapangyarihan pa po pala kayo sa Diyos eh!
NANAY: bakit?
ANAK: ang dami niyong utos eh!
============ ==
thought to ponder:
hindi kaya ang dahilan ng pagbaha sa panahon ni Noah ay pinutol niya lahat ng puno para gumawa ng napaka laking arko? ano sa tingi mo?
============ ==
HISTORY 101:
JUDAS: anong gimik yang hinuhugasan ni Magda ang paa ni Bossing?
PETER: wag kang makialam, darating ang araw at tatawagin yang FOOT SPA.
============ ==
PEDRO: niloko ko yung tindera kanina.
JUAN: paano mo naman niloko yung tindera?
PEDRO: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong celfon.
============ ==
may nakakita sakin sa dalampasigan. malungkot at nagiisa. sabi niya, ‘kung mahal mo siya, bakit di mo ipadama?’ sumagot ako, ‘mahal ka diyan?!!!
naiwan ako sa outing tanga.’
============ ===
kung totoo ang ‘ Darwin ’s theory of evolution’ na ang tao ay nagmula sa unggoy, bakit may mga taong mukhang kabayo?
============ ===
DORAY: mare, kulang pa kami ng isang miyembro. baka gusto mong sumali sa paluwagan.
PINANG : hindi pa ako pwede, mare.
DORAY: bakit mare?
PINAY: virgin pa kasi ako.
============ ====
ERAP SA PIZZA HUT
WAITER: sir, do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 slices or 8 slices?
ERAP: into four na lang, masyadong marami yung eight. di ko mauubos.
============ ====
SALESGIRL: sir, you can’t smoke here.
CUSTOMER: but I bought these cigars from your store.
SALESGIRL: we also sell condoms, but it doesn’t mean you can f*ck here.
============ ====
summer job opportunities:
package 1:
-P5,000/hour
-enchanted kingdom
-tagatulak ng anchor’s away.
package 2:
-P7,000/day
-palengke
-tagalista ng noisy.
package 3:
-P800/minute
-star city
-tagahila ng roller coaster.
package 4:
-P900/minute.
-for females only.
- alaska milk.
-substitute sa baka.
oh pili na. mahirap maghanap ng trabaho.
============ ===
AMO: inday, kunin mo nga yung VOGUE magazine!
INDAY: mam, vogyu hindi vog.
AMO: inday, vog ang tamang pagbigkas.
INDAY: o sige na nga mam VOG na, there’s no need to ARG.
============ ===
pano sasabihin sa isang girl na maitim ang kili-kili niya without hurting his feelings?
“ganda ng deodorant mo ha, kiwi?”
============ ===
what’s worse than finding a worm in the apple you are eating? pag nakita mong kalahati na lang ang worm.
============ ===
Si Erap nakabasag ng vase sa Museum, yung attendant nataranta.
ATTENDANT: naku sir, more than 500 years old na po yang vase.
ERAP: hay salamat. Akala ko bago!
============ ===
ang tawag sa gumagawa ng tubo, tubero. Ang tawag sa kumukuha ng basura, basurero. Ang tawag sa mahilig sa gimik, gimikero. Sa maraming babae, babaero. Ang tawag sa nakaupo sa kanto.?
Tambay pare, tambay!
Sa Math Class…
Teacher: Banong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karne at hinati ko ito, ilang piraso na?
Banong: 2 po mam!
Teacher: At kung hinati ko pa pareho?
Banong: 4 na piraso po!
Teacher: Hinati ko ulit.
Banong: 8 piraso po.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa.
Banong: 16 po mam.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa?
Banong: 32 piraso na po!
Teacher: Kung hinati ko ulit?
Banong: 64 po! (nakangiti)
Teacher: At hinati ko pa? 2 beses ko pang hinati?
Banong: Ay susmaryosep mam! GINILING napo! GINILING!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
SA BAKERY.
Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale: Aba, sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!
Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
BOY: Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat ng ginagawa ko puro mali!
Lagi nalang ako mali!!! Di ‘nyo na ako mahal!
AMA: Nagkakamali ka anak.
BOY: Shet! Mali na naman ako!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!
Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin mlakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino b talaga ang anak mo, ako o ung baboy? Umayos ka nay! Wag ganun!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
Magsyota naglalakad sa park:
GF: Hon, ihi muna ako
BF: Dyan ka nalang sa damuhan…
Habang umiihi, kinapkap ni BF ang legs ni GF nang may mahawakan syang mahaba sa gitna nito…
BF: Anak ng?! Bading ka ba o nagpalit na ng kasarian??
GF: Sira! Nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon. Tumatae na ako.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
BF : May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman…
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi… PANGHILOD! SMILE!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
(Sa loob ng Mall)
GUY: LOVE, yan ang dati kong girlfriend.
Jowa: Ang pangit pangit naman!
GUY: Wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since…
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
LOVE CODE
Sa panliligaw ni Erap, mahilig siyang sumulat ng coded love
messages tulad ng:
ITALY - I truly adore and love you
SASAYA - Stay as Sweet as you are
Para lalong bumilib and kanyang nililigawan , sinikap niyang
gumawa ng "love letter" na gamit and alphabet:
ABC - Always be careful
DEF - Don't Ever forget
GHI - Go Home Immediately
JKLM - Just Keep Loving Me
NOPQRSTUVW - No One Perfectly Quite Romantic Should
Treat U Very Well
Napa-whew at pinagpawisan si Erap. Tatlong titik na lang and
natitira...XYZ.
Pinag-isipan ito nang husto ni Erap. Makalipas ang oras,
napangiti siya at pinalakpakan ang kanyang sarili bago
sinulat ang:
XYZ - Xee You Zoon!!
=============================================================
CEASEFIRE
ERAP to MILF : Sumuko na kayo!
MILF: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.
ERAP : Tang na! Tuloy ang giyera.
=============================================================
ANONG GATAS?
"Ang gatas ko noong baby ako, Lactum," kuwento ni Marcos sa ibang
presidente.
"Ah ako, Enfalac, 'yun ang mahal, eh," sagot ni Cory.
"Ako, Lactogen, kaya ganito ako katalino," sabi ni Ramos.
"Ikaw, Erap, ano ang iniinom mo noon?" tanong ng tatlo.
"Ano yata Lactacyd."
==================================================================
10 craziest things na ginagawa pag nalalasing
1. cries without reason
2. nagbibigay ng advice sa kapwa lasing
3. sings ng pasintunado
4. cols with text ang ex para makapagusap ng walang sense
5. naiinlove na lang ng bigla
6. ginagawang unan ang toilet bowl
7. nagiging galante
8. ikukuwento ang buhay ng buong angkan
9. nagiging english speaking kahit wrong grammar
10. panay ang sabi ng "hindi na ako iinum!!!" habang nagsusuka
pero siyempre salitang lasing lang yun coz after the hangover
sarap magcheers for the good times...
==============================================================
Anak: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANK TRAK..
Tatay: anong dantrak??
Anak: yung pong trak na sampu ang gulong na karga buhangin…
Tatay: hindi dantrak yan… “TEN MILLER!!”
==============================================================
Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy"**
Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"**
Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress"**
Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"**
Kung mayaman ka, "pneumonia" daw ang sakit mo**
Kung mahirap, "TB" yon**
Sa mayaman, "hyperacidity"**
Kapag mahirap, "ulcer" dahil walang laman ang tiyan**
Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac"**
Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"**
Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric"**
Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"**
Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine"**
Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"**
Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic"**
Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"**
Kung ang señorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "sun tanned"**
Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga"*
*
Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay "petite"**
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot"**
Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"**
Kapag mahirap ka, ika'y "tabatsoy" o "lumba-lumba"...pagminamalas ka,
"baboy"**
Kapag mayaman, "fasting" ang hindi kumain**
Kung mahirap, "nagtitiis"**
Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay
"socialite"**
Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "pakawala" o "pok-pok"**
Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated"**
Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo "malandi"**
Kapag mayaman, "misguided" o "spoiled" ka**
Kung mahirap ka, "addict" o "durugista"**
Kung may pera ka, ang tawag sa iyo "single parent"**
Pero kung wala kang trabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada"*
*
Kapag mayaman at sexy, "fashionable" daw**
Kung mahirap, sigurado "GRO" o "japayuki" ka**
Ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain, "vegetarian"**
Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na " kumakain ng damo."**
Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro**
Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa
kanila ay "bastos!"**
Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood"*
*
Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang"**
Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner"**
Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gung-gong"**
Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says,
"masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking"**
Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host
will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom"**
Kung graduate ka ng exclusive school at sa ibang bansa ka nagtatrabaho, ang
tawag sa iyo "expat"**
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "contract worker"**
Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa office mo, "okay lang"
Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay" nagbubulakbol"...
kaya forward mo na agad ito dahil nasa likod mo ang boss mo!*
==========================================================================
Huwebes, Mayo 15, 2008
Funny Ideas and Trivia’s
Did you know that gold fish has a 3 seconds memory?
Birds have the same feather are the same birds...
If you can’t look back you have steep neck...
If others can do, don’t help...
The origin of the English word “orgasm” derives from the Greek, “orgaein,” meaning “to swell” or “be excited or lustful.”
The Bible, the world’s best-selling book, is also the world’s most shoplifted book.
Because steel expands when it gets hot, the Eiffel Tower is six inches taller in the summer than in the winter.
Humans are the only species on earth that have face-to-face sex.
The largest toy distributor in the world is McDonald’s.
If you do have temper don’t covet neighbor’s wife…
The shortest war on record was fought between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
Baby rattlesnakes are born without rattles.
Months that start with a Sunday always has a Friday the 13th.
A shrimp’s heart is in its head.
Think about it!!!!...... BITU
Birds have the same feather are the same birds...
If you can’t look back you have steep neck...
If others can do, don’t help...
The origin of the English word “orgasm” derives from the Greek, “orgaein,” meaning “to swell” or “be excited or lustful.”
The Bible, the world’s best-selling book, is also the world’s most shoplifted book.
Because steel expands when it gets hot, the Eiffel Tower is six inches taller in the summer than in the winter.
Humans are the only species on earth that have face-to-face sex.
The largest toy distributor in the world is McDonald’s.
If you do have temper don’t covet neighbor’s wife…
The shortest war on record was fought between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
Baby rattlesnakes are born without rattles.
Months that start with a Sunday always has a Friday the 13th.
A shrimp’s heart is in its head.
Think about it!!!!...... BITU
BAKIT?
Tanong lang… BAKIT?
BAKIT walang ginawang jelly shoes para sa lalake?
BAKIT nahalik ang butiki sa lupa pagsapit ng 6:00 ng hapon?
BAKIT namamatay agad ang kambing pag pina-inum ng suka?
BAKIT wala nang Fanta softdrinks?
BAKIT nuon bata pa tayo piplit pinapakain para mabilis lumaki?
BAKIT naman ngayong malaki na tayo pag malakas ka kumain matakaw ka?
BAKIT nung bata pa tayo pilit tayo pinatutulog kahit ayaw natin?
BAKIT naman nung lumaki na tayo pag natulog ka sa hapon tamad ka?
BAKIT mas masarap na pulutan ang sebseb kaysa sa cornbits?
BAKIT wala nang mga bata na naliligo sa irigasyon ngayun?
BAKIT wala nang basketbolan sa kapitolyo?
BAKIT wala nang naliligo pag naulan tapos nasahod sa alulod ng bubong? (kase baka may tae ng pusa na bumagsak) heheh!!!
BAKIT pag wala pasok ng huwebes wala din pasok ng biyernes?
BAKIT pag inamoy mo ang piatos o nova amoy (!@#$%^&*)?
BAKIT royal na softdriks ang binibigay pag may sakit?
BAKIT hinde na ngayon mnasarap ang Ma Ling?
BAKIT pag nagsumbong ka sa pulis ikaw pa huhuliin?
BAKIT makatamad maglakad kahit malapit na ang pupuntahan ditu sa Baler?
BAKIT wala nang mga paniki sa school ng Suklayin?
BAKIT tuwing Mayo lang may gamo-gamo?
BAKIT maliit ang alon pag summer ditu sa Baler?
BAKIT tuwing Disyembre naman madaming dikya sa beach?
BAKIT pag dagtuan na ang paalam sa magulang, pinapayagan ang anak?
BAKIT kadalasan ang dinagtu sa dagtuan ay de masarap?
BAKIT wala nang Serge's chocolates (yung bar at yung football size)?
BAKIT wala nang masyadong nagbabayatu sa daan na inaabot pa ng gab-i?
BAKIT wala nang masyadong nag-aalaga ng kalapati sa baler? Calling, calling, Mang Jury!!
BAKIT mas masarap ang yellow corn kesa sa polvoron?
BAKIT wala ng naglalako ng ice candy sa hapon?
BAKIT wala nang win agad na peborit nila Sherwin at John Red? Hahah!....
BAKIT mas napaparami ang kain mo sa ibang bahay na para bang mas masarap ang luto nila?
BAKIT parang ang pakiramdam mo ay ang galing mo na pag nakapag-bitaw ka ng 2 kamay sa pagba-bike?
BAKIT laging brown out ditu sa Baler?
BAKIT laging naulan tuwing hapon?
BAKIT mas masakit ang mag palagay ng hikaw sa tenga kesa magpatatoo?
BAKIT ang init ng ulo ng mga tricycle drivers?
BAKIT hinde na masarap ang longganisa ngayun sa palengke?
BAKIT wala nang naglalako ng gatas ng kalabaw tuwing umaga?
BAKIT hinde na uso ang pukpok na tuli?
BAKIT masakit ang buong paa kapag may ingrown kuko?
BAKIT wala nang mabiling Good Morning towel?
BAKIT mas mapahang ang siling utikot kaysa sa siling labuyo?
BAKIT ang hirap na ng buhay ngayon?
BAKIT habang tumatagal dumadami ang tanong? BAKIT?
Madami pa akong tanong sa susunod na lang de ko lam kung bakit?heheheh!!!
BITU
BAKIT walang ginawang jelly shoes para sa lalake?
BAKIT nahalik ang butiki sa lupa pagsapit ng 6:00 ng hapon?
BAKIT namamatay agad ang kambing pag pina-inum ng suka?
BAKIT wala nang Fanta softdrinks?
BAKIT nuon bata pa tayo piplit pinapakain para mabilis lumaki?
BAKIT naman ngayong malaki na tayo pag malakas ka kumain matakaw ka?
BAKIT nung bata pa tayo pilit tayo pinatutulog kahit ayaw natin?
BAKIT naman nung lumaki na tayo pag natulog ka sa hapon tamad ka?
BAKIT mas masarap na pulutan ang sebseb kaysa sa cornbits?
BAKIT wala nang mga bata na naliligo sa irigasyon ngayun?
BAKIT wala nang basketbolan sa kapitolyo?
BAKIT wala nang naliligo pag naulan tapos nasahod sa alulod ng bubong? (kase baka may tae ng pusa na bumagsak) heheh!!!
BAKIT pag wala pasok ng huwebes wala din pasok ng biyernes?
BAKIT pag inamoy mo ang piatos o nova amoy (!@#$%^&*)?
BAKIT royal na softdriks ang binibigay pag may sakit?
BAKIT hinde na ngayon mnasarap ang Ma Ling?
BAKIT pag nagsumbong ka sa pulis ikaw pa huhuliin?
BAKIT makatamad maglakad kahit malapit na ang pupuntahan ditu sa Baler?
BAKIT wala nang mga paniki sa school ng Suklayin?
BAKIT tuwing Mayo lang may gamo-gamo?
BAKIT maliit ang alon pag summer ditu sa Baler?
BAKIT tuwing Disyembre naman madaming dikya sa beach?
BAKIT pag dagtuan na ang paalam sa magulang, pinapayagan ang anak?
BAKIT kadalasan ang dinagtu sa dagtuan ay de masarap?
BAKIT wala nang Serge's chocolates (yung bar at yung football size)?
BAKIT wala nang masyadong nagbabayatu sa daan na inaabot pa ng gab-i?
BAKIT wala nang masyadong nag-aalaga ng kalapati sa baler? Calling, calling, Mang Jury!!
BAKIT mas masarap ang yellow corn kesa sa polvoron?
BAKIT wala ng naglalako ng ice candy sa hapon?
BAKIT wala nang win agad na peborit nila Sherwin at John Red? Hahah!....
BAKIT mas napaparami ang kain mo sa ibang bahay na para bang mas masarap ang luto nila?
BAKIT parang ang pakiramdam mo ay ang galing mo na pag nakapag-bitaw ka ng 2 kamay sa pagba-bike?
BAKIT laging brown out ditu sa Baler?
BAKIT laging naulan tuwing hapon?
BAKIT mas masakit ang mag palagay ng hikaw sa tenga kesa magpatatoo?
BAKIT ang init ng ulo ng mga tricycle drivers?
BAKIT hinde na masarap ang longganisa ngayun sa palengke?
BAKIT wala nang naglalako ng gatas ng kalabaw tuwing umaga?
BAKIT hinde na uso ang pukpok na tuli?
BAKIT masakit ang buong paa kapag may ingrown kuko?
BAKIT wala nang mabiling Good Morning towel?
BAKIT mas mapahang ang siling utikot kaysa sa siling labuyo?
BAKIT ang hirap na ng buhay ngayon?
BAKIT habang tumatagal dumadami ang tanong? BAKIT?
Madami pa akong tanong sa susunod na lang de ko lam kung bakit?heheheh!!!
BITU
Sabado, Mayo 10, 2008
UPDATE: Plans for the Batch this 2008
Matapos ang napaka-saya dahil sa nakaka-busog (sa dami ng pagkain), nakaka-lasing (sa mga alak), at nakaka-paos (sa di matapos na kantahan) na piknik nung May 3, nailatag na po ang mga proposal para sa 2nd half ng taon.
Gaya ng ipinrisinta nung Gen. Assembly last December 2007, may tatlong major events po tayo na napagkasunduan para sa taong ito:
• Una, ang Balerkada – The Reggae Party, noong March 22, 2008 headed by Cocoy Soniel,
• Ikalawa ay isang event sa Undas, November 1, 2008 na pangungunahan po ng inyong lingkod, at
• Ikatlo, ang DEKADA BALERKADA The Grand Reunion headed by our Batch President, Sherwin U. Llames na gaganapin sa December 27-28, 2008.
May mga maliliit din po tayong events na naganap:
• Mini Get Together sa Manila noong March 16 (habang ka-conference online ang mga nasa Baler at nasa ibayong-dagat), at
• Batch Piknik nitong May 3 sa Baler.
Sa mga susunod na buwan, asahan po natin na may mga hakbang pang mangyayari (gaya ng Manila Mini Get Together Part 2, pati ang pagdalaw at pag-aalay natin ng panalangin sa puntod ng ating namayapang Batchmate na si Froilan Dale C. Lega sa Undas).
May mga pulong din po na magaganap – sa Baler at sa Manila in the coming months. Sa pagdalo po natin sa meetings magiging matagumpay ang mga plano.
Palagi po tayong umattend, batchmates. Hanggang sa muli mga Ka-BALERKADA, kita-kits po tayo!
-Larawan at Panulat ni JuanPula
Biyernes, Mayo 9, 2008
EVERYTHING by Michael Buble'
Michael Buble - Everything
You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And You're the perfect thing to say.
And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And You're the perfect thing to say.
And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
Linggo, Mayo 4, 2008
photos/videos last may 3 picnic
link for videos: http://s255.photobucket.com/albums/hh159/mcchsbatch1998/videos/
Mag-subscribe sa:
Mga Post (Atom)